SURPRISE.

That looks more like scared-surprised than surprised-surprised...but oh well.

Two good days in a row? Gotta love it :) I babysat forever today, went to the gym and worked out, got a new back for my phone, went to the mall with a friend, then saw my boyfriend for a little bit! Very calm, content day...loved it.

What do you want to be when you grow up? I finally made a decision on my major for college this fall. I always knew that I would be in the Human Environmental Sciences College but I never really had an idea on what specifically I would be getting into. Until one day all of the pieces fit together perfectly and I chose Child and Family Services with a possible minor in Psychology. I enjoy listening to people's problems and knowing that they trust me enough to open up to me. I enjoy helping them and offering my advice for them to try and help solve whatever issues they might be going through. It's weird to say this seeing I am a teenager myself but with my major I wish to go into counseling...dealing more on the teenager side.

I'm tired.

On Top.

It's funny how one day every thing can be going wrong and then the next day...life is simple, it's good. Or better yet, it's awesome. I've had a wonderful day today spent with some girl friends of mine, of course we went and saw The Twilight Saga: Eclipse :) it was spectacular. But on top of that, my boyfriend has been amazing today.

I hate to say that though. He left for his freshman orientation today and so the distractions from me seem to disappeared when he left town. I have loved every minute that I have been talking with him while he's at orientation. I seem to be the focus of his thoughts at this point and it makes me feel as though I am on top of the world. As childish as it seems, the frequent texts full of deep yet easy conversation has turned my day around. I like this feeling, it's a feeling of me being the only one that matters. Who could blame me? I'm a girl, I love attention...end of story. No worries though, reality will come back and it will hit me hard. I need to learn to share.

I don't really know what people talk about in blogs. Half the time people just complain (already got that one covered) and I guess the rest of the time people go on about the 'what ifs' in life.

Here's a little about me..
I will be a freshman in college.
I enjoy the small things in life.
I am a hopeless romantic.
Deep talks are perfection to me if they're with the right person.
I don't like meatloaf. Or mustard.
Country music can put me in the best or saddest moods.
I cannot stay mad at someone for longer than 5-10 minutes.
I lack self confidence, but am working on it.
A sexy stomach (on a guy, of course) is a huge turn on.
As is a guy that sings with the music while driving.
I am methodist and do not plan on changing that.
I prefer guy friends over girl friends any day.
I am a people pleaser and a push over.
I am easily embarassed, easily distracted, and easily amused.
I love to laugh.
I can eat waffles for any meal of the day but not more than once every two weeks.
Peanut butter, cream cheese, sour cream, and ranch are my weaknesses.
Well, and chocolate.
Sweet boys are my weakness (too).
I will do anything if it means making the people I love happy.
If anything happened to my little brother, I would die (metaphorically).
Puppies are the most adorable thing ever.
Brunettes are for me, blondes can suck it. (Might be a bit biased)
I open up easily but fully trust rarely.
I believe in the saying "words have to be followed up by actions."
I can eat more than you.
I like to write. And read. And run.
I am very high maitenence when it comes to attention, but low maitenence when it comes to what to do or where to go.


Today I babysat, worked out, got a snow cone, took a shower, went to eat, went to Starbucks, watched Eclipse, then came home. Very exciting and busy day, loved every minute of it.

If you have read these entire last two posts, props.
I'll figure out a way to make things interesting.

Love,

Quicksand.

It's weird to think about the problems in my life. I don't do anything about most, I half-try solving some, and a full-out effort (kind of) on the rest..usually resulting in failure. But in life, there's no failure, only learning; my favorite quote that eventually I hope I will learn the truth behind it and live accordingly. Anyways, problems.

I'm young, so why the hell would I ever have problems big enough to worry about? That would probably be the result of me being an emotional basket case on top of being completely over-dramatic; good combination? Definitely. I guess I can explain a few of these "problems."

Boyfriend. So, I have been raised on good morals and high standards that shouldn't be lowered no matter what. Of course I will break the rules and be a 'rebel', but why has it gotten to the point where it tortures me? I apologize for not explaining but I will now...I am dating a guy who smokes weed 'occasionally'. By 'occasionally', I do mean like once every two or three weeks...with the occasional more than that, I suppose. This has been something that has bothered me since the beginning but I was too stupid to do anything about it a year ago when we started dating therefore there is now less likely of a chance of it to change. I know that people who choose to smoke will not stop unless they sincerely want to. So I'm not sure why I even try to fight it. I'll be honest, I smoked once. But that one time that I tried it was because I felt like a hypocrite for nagging on my boyfriend every time he smoked when I never knew what it was like to start with. To say the least, I absolutely hated it. Part of me wished that I would have somewhat liked it (I did like the part that I giggled at EVERYTHING) just because I am so sick and tired of having to deal with the fact that he does it and it bothers me so much. I can't figure out though if it bothers me so much because I know that it's wrong or because he won't stop even though he knows how much it bugs me. Either way, I don't know what to do about it...obviously I can't do anything about it..for some reason, I just feel the need to continue upsetting myself over it. Or to have him upset me over it. On top of the weed, another problem arises. Do all teenage-on-the-verge-of-adulthood boys enjoy THAT much guy time? And if you have guy time so much...is it so hard to talk to your girlfriend every now and then instead of completely forgetting about your phone causing the girlfriend to feel unimportant? I told you...I'm a bit over dramatic, but at the same time I don't feel that I'm the only person at fault for all the emotions that run through my head numerous times throughout the week. My boyfriend is my best friend. We have been dating for a year now and we seem to get through everything that is up against us, he's taught me a lot about myself and I thank him so much for that. Every relationship has it's kinks but in the end, it's always us coming out on top together that keeps us going strong.

Parents. I suppose that I am still at the stage where I feel like my parents don't understand me most of the time. My relationship with each individual parent is completely different, to the point of where they're bipolar opposites. My mom and I relate very well and I can give that credit to the fact that I do not have a very strong relationship with my dad, therefore I lean more on her. But lately she has gone psycho when it comes to me hanging out with friends and "not being home enough." I'm sorry that I leave for college in the fall mom and I want to see as much of my friends as possible. Though, I'll miss my mom a lot. My dad on the other hand, we don't see eye to eye on pretty much anything. He's strong willed, stubborn, hard headed, yet still a good dad. I don't tell him that and I know that I should. Dad, I love you. There has been things in my life that he has done that has caused me to dislike my dad and I have held that over him since Thanksgiving '06. I don't trust easily at all and I feel bad saying that I partially blame that on him but it's kind of true. Or maybe it just is in my head. My parents are both awesome though and I need to learn to better appreciate them.

College. I leave for college in approximately 40ish days. That's a crazy, crazy thought. I haven't decided yet how I want to act in college. I've heard that I can become whoever I want to, start over with whatever I want to. Let go, and just live life. I've always been the type of person to hold onto my past and a new start with new people and a few old friends sounds amazing. I'm terrified though. There are so many 'what ifs' that it's just unimaginable at times. I haven't quite figured out if I want to party a lot in college, be the stereotypical college freshman...or just focus on my major and creating new relationships while still keeping a few of the old ones. College is complicated yet axhiliarating.

Faith. I've grown up in the Methodist church, I have been a member of the youth, and I have experienced multiple missions trips and church camps. My faith used to be so strong and so unbreakable. I felt stable, I felt like I had a ton of support from those who love me. God opened up a world to me, a world that everything seemed so perfect. He has given me this miraculous life to live and yet what's the problem? I've strayed away. I feel like my faith is weakening a little at a time. I've slowly stopped going to church, detatched myself from my youth group, and am not attending camp this year. I have a prayer journal that I continue to write in every now and then and I still pray every night. But my prayer every night seems to be more scheduled than wanted. I want to surround myself with those whose hearts are on fire for God's love. I want to be filled with a burning passion to learn more and to serve God. I know that I am strong enough to bring myself back onto His path, but I have yet to figure out if I am willing to.

I wish to continue on with this blog, though whether I remember to write in it is questionable. I hope that I do, even if it is just a little bit each day. It's a good way for me to vent and try to figure out things in my life. Opinions? Feel free to give them.

Yours truly.